Welcome to the Reception….
…and be warned!
The tabloids report instances of schlimey graduation parties and other disgüüsting events; a sure sign that nØllan is on their way. Soon, Technis will be threatened by the ravaging hordes of nØllan.
The chapter is preparing its defenses. Whipclad Vests, White Blankies, All-seeing Cameras, Food-stained Aprons and Glittering Goldcoins are all mobilized to aid our brave troops.
The Reception’s Groups
The Royal Drifvery
The Royal Drifvery is an ancient and venerable institution that has fought to protect the light and the truth since the dawn of time.
The day which we desperately hoped to avoid has, at last, arrived. Dark and evil forces have decided to send their most lethal weapon in an attempt to obliterate the Royal Institute of Technology. The prophesied horde of frustrated technologists have been sighted limping like zombies towards the gates… nØllan is approaching!
Within an all-too-close future nØllan, spewing platitudes of joy and prosperity, will siege Technis in an attempt to find purpose in their errful existence by defiling the most proud of Chapters- the Royal Chapter of Computer Science- with their schlimey presence.
This would surely prove disastrous, were it not for the vigilant eyes that have been observing nØllan, preparing for this very calamity.
Because of the legendary incompetence prevailing at the institute’s admissions agency, rivalling only that of the Swedish Board of Student Finance, the Royal Chapter of Computer Science has decided to take the matter of screening prospective chaptermembers and educating the new generation of CS technologists into its own hands.
Thus, when nØllan arrives at Technis, they will have to go through the cleansing Reception. If nØllan is to have any chance at being accepted as members of the Royal Chapter of Computer Science, they must prove themselves worthy through a series of trials.
The Higher Spheres
In order to ensure that these trials are conducted in a fair and correct way, nine gallant and noble champions have ascended from The Higher Spheres to observe the screening. These warriors of steel are called The Royal Drivery.
The Royal Drifvery is a coalition forged long before the dawn of time. Their honorable cause is to wield the Noble Light and the Everlasting Truth and use it to drive the schlime from the tainted so that they might prove themselves righteous. The Royal Drifvery are commanded by The Highest Spheres, who promulgate their will through Old Osquarulda the Slayer.
The Higher Spheres’ earthly representative is Konglig Öfverdrif (lit. the Royal High-Drif); the almighty leader of the Royal Drifvery. By their side Konglig Öfverdrif has their two squires Konglig Direktifdrif (lit. the Royal Directive-Drif) and Konglig Indrif (perhaps most closely translated as the Royal Collector-Drif). The three of them, as well as the rest of the coalition, steadfast in their devotion to fight for the Royal Drifvery ancient motto which can be found in the most secure of vaults, deep beneath the Royal Institute of Technology’s catacombs- engraved in diamond;
“At surface- hard, at core- brutal”.
The Royal Daddery
The Royal Daddery is nØllan’s friend at all times. There are always huggable daddies to turn to when there are storms brewing. nØllan has now grown old enough to realize that they won’t manage to live a life without Technis. But Life at this finest of technical institutes isn’t easy; it’s one fraught with hardships and, at times, even harder mathematics. Dangers are lurking at the most unexpected places and times from the moment nØllan enters the historical lands of Technis. Mean examiners and ancient demons are hiding behind every corner. These are dreadful enough, but at Technis there also exists something so scary that nØllan couldn’t even imagine it in their worst nightmares - The Royal Drifvery.
The Royal Drifvery causes a lot of problems for nØllan. Even the ancient Greeks calculated the probability for nØllan’s survival and couldn’t find a slight deviation from nØll. The Chapter’s Chairperson at the time- Pythagoras D. Horn- proudly announced the results to D-Osqarulda. Their cheers were soon replaced by a worrisome silence as they understood that this meant that the most honourable section of them all - The Royal Computer Science Chapter - would soon go extinct. They realized that the only way to ensure the regrowth was to increase the chances of nØllan’s survival.
Thus, one sunny day, the Royal Daddery was born, with whose help nØllan could at least get an infinitesimal chance of making it through Technis. The Daddery is led by Big Sister and her three younger siblings; Little Sister, Half Brother and Little Brother. All daddies love nØllan and they are the nicest bunch of technologists that exist. When nØllan loses their head under mysterious circustamces, it is the Dadda’s job to joyfully dunk it back onto their shoulders. The Dadda can always provide nØllan a thigh to suck on or a thumb to cry on. Even if it happens all too often.
So how do you recognize a Dadda? They often come in groups of three and are always wearing a sunny smile on their face to go with their cheerful attitude. Secondly the Dadda can be recognized by their cerise coloured overalls and dazzlingly white blankies. The Daddery can create miracles, but they alone cannot get nØllan through their first time at Technis. nØllan themselves must learn to stick together. In order to gain strength, nØllan will move in nØllegroups that all have three FavoriteDaddas to go to. In these groups, nØllan can search for courage in order to jointly defy the dangers that may appear.
As nØllan will spend a lot of time with their Dadda during their first weeks at Technis, they should opt to use every opportunity to make their Dadda happy. Hug them, give them something nice and play fun games with your Dadda. If you follow this advice, the road to Life at Technis might be bearable, maybe even something nØllan will never forget. The Daddery will do everything in their power to make sure nØllan feels comfortable! Remember the Daddery’s quote:
“On the surface soft, at core huggable!”
The Royal Doqumentery
The Royal Doqumentery follows nØllan around wherever it goes. They are always looking for a chance to immortalize that one, special moment.
There’s a lot going on during nØllan’s first time at KTH. Since nØllan has no chance of remembering, understanding, or even noticing most of these things, nØllan will receive help from the Royal Doqumentery.
This small but oh-so-brave group of technologists will relentlessly follow nØllan wherever they go or whatever they’re doing, even though they are undoubtedly risking their own health by longtime exposure to nØllan’s schlimey body. What drives the Doqumentery to this almosy self-destructive behavior? Proof, nØllan. Proof. Without concrete photo evidence, no one would see any improvement at all in nØllan, and nØllan would - except by remaining being just nØllan - be forgotten by the world.
Not Just Proof
The photographic material provided by the Doqumentery have value as evidence but also tends to bring out laughter, which is said to prolong life. This is a consequence nØllan should value highly. Technologists laughing at nØllan is not very hard to understand, since everything nØllan does looks comical in the eyes of the technologists. Why nØllan laugh at themselves is harder to explain. nØllan can themselves try this phenomenon with the help of a mirror.
To make the Doqumentery’s mission possible, nØllan and the Doqumentery must be located in such limited space that the light doesn’t have time to bend or be disrupted. Because of modern cameras’ optical limitations and nØllan’s mercilessly divergent characteristics, the Doqumentery is forced to be close to nØllan. Initial trials have been done with high technological equipment placed in solar systems close by. Not even by using the advanced schlimefilter have any qualitative pictures been obtained. It is of the Doqumentery’s definite opinion that it has nothing to do with faulty equipment and everything to do with flaws in the motifs.
How is this done then?
It has been shown over time that the only really reliable way to conduct the Doqumentery’s mission is to be in the vicinity of nØllan. In practice this is accomplished by becoming nØllan’s- eeehm.. - friend. With some logical concluding (which nØllan might learn), you realize that the Doqumentery must be almost as huggable as the Daddery.
In summary, nØllan can view the Doqumentery as their friends. The Doqumentery will, with a smile on their faces, answer all of nØllan’s questions and follow them everywhere. To show how much nØllan wants to be the Doqumentery’s friend, nØllan should, in front of the prepared photographer, make sure to act silly or even make an absolute fool of themselves. The latter is probably one of the few things nØllan would be able to do all on their own.
The Royal Quisinery
The Quisinery makes sure nØllan is feeling well and has fun. This eminent assembly of people, the so-called quisines, have the main responsibility of planning and realizing all the big parties during the Reception.
The Quisinery is also in charge of taking care of the Reception’s dear car and procures all necessities, ranging from food to dish soap to A4 sized paper. Of course it is also the Quisinery that makes sure nØllan stays full.
How is this done?
When it is done, it is usually done well. Since it is the quisines’ highest wish to make sure nØllan is full, happy, and satisfied, the Quisinery fly over every obstacle to ensure that it is done. When the food has been cooked, the tablecloths have been rolled out, and the drinks have been poured, the Quisinery warmly welcomes nØllan to all of the Reception’s dinner parties.
When the Quisinery is not cooking, shopping, or drinking coffee, they are happy to spend time with nØllan and everyone else in the Reception. A quisine is recognised by their characteristic shorts. If the Quisinery is in the kitchen or any other place with a big risk of spilling, a white apron with Snoopy on is often worn to see who spilled the most. Mention cats or Glocken Gold and every quisine will jump and be drawn towards you like an iron particle to a magnet.
In summary, the Quisinery is a friendly group of people that nØllan can consider their friends. The quisines will do everything to answer nØllan’s questions and make everyone happy during every party. Since life is said to be a party, one could say that the Quisinery is always doing everything to make everyone happy. To show how much nØllan wants to befriend the quisines, nØllan is more than welcome to talk to the Quisinery during dinner parties, lunches, and other occasions during the Reception. Why not say thanks for the mostly so good food or talk about the weather? If you have a pun there is not a single quisine who is not all ears.
The Royal Economery
The Economery makes sure that there is always cash for the Reception to use. Without the economerists clinking moneybags, nØllan would not last for long. Taking care of nØllan requires a lot of work for the Reception personnel and sometimes also a lot of money. Blankies, baby bottles, cameras, aprons, and food are expensive things, and how would it look if the Daddery walked around with torn blankies? Or how would it look if the Doqumentery had to settle for mobile cameras? And without money for food, neither nØllan or the personnel wouldn’t last very long. The Economery to the rescue! With their bags filled with gold money and a better mind for money than Joakim von Anka, they strut around campus and make sure cash is always there.
The economerists may love money most of all, but they also like nØllan. When they don’t dive around in their money bank they love to say hello to nØllan and the rest of the personnel. nØllan can recognise them by their sparkling gold chains that they would never be seen without. Who knows, if nØllan is really nice, maybe they’ll even give you some gold money!
We who are responsible for the Reception are called Titel. If you want to contact us, you can send an email to [email protected]. If you want to contact a specific person there are contact information in the side bar.